


lover's demise

by mariokartprince (technicalViolist)



Series: scarlet sorrows and ruby redemptions [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, at least not permanently. maybe for like 5 hours, he raises leia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-02 08:20:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10213418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicalViolist/pseuds/mariokartprince
Summary: he is 19 years and thinks he knows all there is to know about love.he’s wrong, of course.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i read pocket full of sand and got inspired. 
> 
> if you wanna, listen to All The Little Pieces by Louis XIV to get the general mood of this one

_A broken man follows his lover_  
_Been hungry for miles and miles_  
_Fire burns bright and consumes her soul_  
_The feet of her lover born to run..._

 

he is 19 years and thinks he knows all there is to know about love.

he’s wrong, of course. how couldn’t he be? how sweet this vermilion innocence of youth is, untainted by the scourge of time. so certain of every assumption made in quick lightning-flash moments of experience mistakenly understood to be the epitome of life’s lessons. he’s still a child. what could he know of love?

all he knows now is that it burns to be with and without her; that he’d rather die than never see her again.

how ironically fitting. this _is_ a tragedy, after all.

(he looks at her standing next to him in the chariot ferrying them to their deaths on a carnelian desert planet far from home and thinks, this is what love is. their kiss tastes of desperation, but it is sweet nonetheless.)

 

_____

 

he is 23 years old, and he thinks, no, _knows_ he can fix anything.

his eyes are weary from weeks of nightmares that he _knows_ he will not let come to pass. he will not. he will tear down stars and wreak havoc on all society before he allows an inch of harm to come to Padme. he’s the Chosen One, the Hero With No Fear, the most powerful Jedi of his generation! he can do _anything_ , if only he could find the way.

he spends hours upon hours in the archives, looking up every medical procedure and force-healing technique he could possibly find, but he finds nothing that can permanently allay his fears. Master Nu has become quite suspicious of his activities, and while she has not outright banned him from the archives, it’s a close thing. whenever he wearies of reading and happens to be in the temple, he goes down to the training salles and works out his aggression through katas and on anyone who’ll fight him. few will.

traces of an old guilt creeps up behind his eyes more often than not nowadays, always accompanied by the sensation of a weak hand caressing his face, the screams of Tusken children, and the taste of bloody, bitter vengeance.

he stops. shakes his head. continues practicing the kata he’s working on and desperately tries to ignore the various shades of crimson and burgundy his mother had painted on her pallid, bruised skin.

(it doesn’t work. it never does.)

_____

bowing before Sidious feels like giving up.

but.

what choice does he have?

if she died…

she won’t.

she won’t because she _can’t._ because he’d kill himself before he’d repeat his past mistakes.

(ironic, isn’t it.)

the words “Yes, Master,” taste of ash and defeat.


	2. Chapter 2

he is 23 years old and he is burning in darkness.

he feels the heat of this barren, scorching planet deep in his bones. the smoke from the lava sears his lungs, and though it pains him, it’s nothing compared to what he feels inside. his anger burns a deep scarlet path through his chest, and it feels as if it’ll tear him to shreds if he gives it the chance.

how could they? how _dare_ they? it seems as if all the jedi ever did was lie, lie, _lie_ to him. fill his head with false promises and platitudes and force him to keep his heart under lock and key. ask him to spy on the one person who seemed to accept Anakin as he was, instead of seeing him fall short of the perfect jedi he _should_ be. drive him nearly to the breaking point in this endless war. force the love of his life to constantly live in fear that he’ll die on some campaign in the outer rim and never be seen again.

after what he saw in the chancellor’s office, why should he _ever_ do anything for them ever again?

killing the separatist leaders is one of the simplest things he’s ever done. he tries not to compare their begging to that of a different kind, years ago on Tatooine, but it’s difficult not to. there’s an iron cord of heaviness where his heart should be. he says nothing.

_____

he’d thought Padmé would understand. wasn’t she after peace the entire war? sure, he hadn’t exactly achieved a diplomatic solution, but the war was over! he’d ended it! no more fighting, no more wondering if he’d end up dead this week or the next. why couldn’t she see that?

he’d done everything for her.

well, almost everything.

he’d always assumed love could overcome anything but…

it’s kind of difficult to overcome a crushed windpipe.

_____

at first, he only stares in shock.

_did I just…?_

Padme falls almost gently to the ground, as if nothing’s wrong.

the torturous sounds of her labored breathing ruin the effect.

_what have I done?_

he staggers back, the weight of what he’s done crashing down on him. the hot coil of anger in his chest has solidified into a hefty obsidian weight that threatens to physically drag him down. _WHAT HAVE I DONE?_ he puts a hand to his mouth, disbelieving.

for one inane moment, he almost thinks everything will be okay. Padme will stand up in a few seconds and say something that’ll make him smile and Obi-Wan will have some witty retort that’ll make him laugh, but -

this isn’t a fairytale.

sometimes there are no happy endings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really supposed be just one chapter, so that's why this is short. this part was just a bitch and half to write so i posted it later. if you want to see what happens next, be sure to subscribe to the series cause this is so totally not finished yet.


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